so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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