he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
