Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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