Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
