Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Rumble strips road head = magical
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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