my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
