Your dad touched me again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
