shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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