It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
