i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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