He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
