Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
