i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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