the condom got lost in my hair
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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