Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
