hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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