He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
