I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
