DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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