How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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