I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
