what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
