Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
