What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
