its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
