Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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