I can't watch pbs sober anymore
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
