"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
