Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
