I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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