How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
