We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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