after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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