we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
