lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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