He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
