I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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