the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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