It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
