If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
