i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
