When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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