So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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