i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
