chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
