i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
