I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
