Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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