i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
