Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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