Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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