She is in my trunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
