Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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