I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
