i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
