you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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