remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
