Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
