I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
