I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
