so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
