i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
