I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
