her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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