hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
