He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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