At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
