Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
