I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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