Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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