dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
