you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
